So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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