I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
