she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
