I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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