how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
