You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
