Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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