a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
