I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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