can we get nightvision for the apartment?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
