I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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