Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
