Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
