Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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