I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
