I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
