I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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