Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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