..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Randomize
