you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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