ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
