I'm going to jail i love you
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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