Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
