OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
