he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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