I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
