I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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