The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
