This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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