I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
