im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
