Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
