So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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