i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
