I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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