guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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