K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
