Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
