That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
