First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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