Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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