plz talk dirty to me
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
