We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
