Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Randomize
