My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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