I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
