i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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