if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I am naked and annoyed.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
