No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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