i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
